Heavy In Your Arms

Hello! I hope you've had a delightful Christmas and all of your vulnerable little hearts have found warmth in cold winter nights. I've had a rather strange Christmas, I got drunk on Christmas Eve and went to church all alone at 10pm. There was a violon player there and he played wonderful pieces. Also, I finally have a phone. It's my sisters' one, but since she has a S3 now, she doesn't need it anymore, so I got it. It has a fold-out keyboard and it's perfect for me, since I hate these modern ernormous smartphones. I also got four books for Christmas which I have been yearning for in forever. The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald), Ariel (Sylvia Plath), Jane Eyre (Charlotte Brontë) and The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath). As you see, these are classics. Yes. I love old books.
Photos I recently took following.

90s are back
My favourite poem: The Birthday Present 

Presents from my boy. Even the right seasons! That boy is worth a mint.

Presents from my parents

Starting the day with quality

Awake to howl  for the moon..



I'm fifteen now. Best presents. Ever.

1.) Wow. My friends are genius, aren't they?
2.) The greatest present from god: 20cm of snow.
3.) The girls from my class gave me these orchids— ah, how could they know I love orchids?
4.) I have been wanting this book for so fucking long. I FINALLY HAVE IT.


December 10th, 2012

Today, in school, I decided to "record" my thoughts throughout the day. I took my notebook everywhere I went. This is the outcome. Have a nice journey to the terryfing place called my mind.


Yesterday, we've spend whole nine hours together and your touch is still echoing on my skin, and the rest of you still fills my heart. Your lips save me from myself.

We know each other. Well, but not well enough. It will never be enough, I will always want to know you more, but in a way, I don't. If I knew you it were enough. But I don't want it to be, because we'd have nothing to give to each other anymore. For now, you give me everything you have and I offer you everything that is left of me.

How lucky I am to be still bleeding and choking on my love. I thought I was dead, but I'm not. You gave me life.

I have two birthdays. One for when my mother gave me life, December 12th, and two for when I saw you rushing over the sports ground for the first time, November 11th. The white bandages tied round your knees, your pumping body. You gave me back my breath, and my fast-beating heart and the fires that are now burning in my heart.

People are laughing and pretending to be happy and I'm half. I need you so much, I'm breaking apart.

My smile cracks and my laughs turn into shrieks. Honestly, what do you do to me? I love you, that's what you do to me. You make me love you until my bones quiver. You make my blood boil and my skin burn. When you laugh, the flower beds of my heart grow rampantly, you set me to light. You're everything. Stay.


Agent Provocateur

I can't even comprehend how this could happen. I was so unhappy, so deeply sad, and then, you came and healed my wounds. It is so fascinating how happy you make me— your heart slamming against my spine, your hands fondling my back, your words are making my heart melt. Darling, be mine. Because you're my happiness now. Stay. Stay.

Agent Provocateur



Ich war in den letzten drei Tagen zwei Mal in Frankfurt und ich muss sagen: Ich bin verliebt.
Trotz der scheußlichen ellenlosen Schlangen in den Geschäften auf der Zeil, trotz den ganzen Mädchen die alle gleich angezogen sind, trotz dem Dreck und dem Krach auf den Straßen bin ich unwiederruflich verliebt in diese Stadt. Die Hektik in der U-Bahn, das Leben, die Menschen, die Paulskirche, die überteuerten Bäckereien geben mir das Gefühl, atmen zu können. Jedes Mal wenn der Zug in den Hauptbahnhof fährt ist es, als würde ich endlich wieder frische Luft bekommen. Für jemanden, der auf dem Land wohnt. Was eine Metapher aber auch.
Ich habe einen Teil von mir in Frankfurt wiedergefunden.



At the moment, my life consists of books, Sex and the City, partying the weekends away, writing a lot about love and taking walks outside with my best friend and talking. I fall in love daily; with books, movies, boys. I love until can't go any longer. Moments filled with nostalgia, his scent in my nose and his kisses. Well, only in my imagination. I won't wash my scarf until we meet again so I can keep something of him. Not a single day is wasted. Everything is precious.



Hi! On Sunday, I finally ordered something on ASOS.COM. I have been craving after their clothing for so long, and today it was finally in the mail! I ordered creepers. I am in love with these shoes!
They're not what you would consider 'girly' or 'elegant', but that it what makes them loveable.
I am so tired of people who don't stand up for themselves. Who just don't have the fucking courage to do whatever the fuck they want to do. They just.. adjust themselves so society accepts them. It pisses me off, even though it's none of my business.
Honestly, I cannot wait to see these horrified, disgusted looks. They feed me. These are just shoes, god. Yet they're so much more.. They represent my raised middle finger. My middle finger at our school and the stupid people who are fucking intolerant. Looking forward to tomorrow. That is all. I hope you had a peaceful day. X